Love Is Over-Rated
by LitLover 101
Summary: Requested fic for Anon on Tumblr. Falling into another funk, due to the crop of new couples: Landon and Hope, Josie and Penelope and MG and Nia, Lizzie finds a partner in Jed for friendship, some prank-making, and to help hit the un-do button on some of this lovey-dovey crap. Somewhat AU/AH, where Pen never left.


**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Legacies**_**. That would be the usual suspects, Julie Plec, Warner Brothers, etc…**

**Hello, my lovely readers. Call this **_**Legacies**_** Saturday. This is a little something for Anon on Tumblr. It's meant to be funny, so… On with the show…**

_**Love is Over-Rated: **_

Disgust and contempt. These were two feelings Lizzie Saltzman felt very familiar with. However, this time her feelings were not provoked by someone's inability to dress themselves or the rank stench of the basicness of the townie she smelled in Mystic Falls' air supply. No this was something else entirely.

"Just look at them, Pedro," Lizzie sneered, arms crossed over her chest, "you can just tell they're all planning out the future to the soundtrack of some over-hyped rom-com puking up candy hearts and sunsets." Shaking her head, Lizzie continued to watch the objects of her lack of affection.

Pedro looked from the happy couples to Lizzie. "You should find someone nice to spend time with," he advised her in that solemn way he had. Far beyond his years, Pedro would capture some girl's heart…and smash it to little bits—'cause that's what guys did—even when they didn't mean to. .

"Oh, Pedro. So young. So innocent," Lizzie leaned down and took hold of his hands. "Love is for people who do not have enough self-respect to find a real hobby."

"Okay, Lizzie," Pedro shrugged. "I'm going to go now." And so he left her to continue to glower at her nemeses, MopHead and the Super Heroine, Twinsie and Satan, and MG and that girl with the scary ability to make them into human art. Shivering, Lizzie continued to glare.

"What put you out of the love is beautiful mood, Saltzman?" Jed inquired, coming to lean against the wall beside her.

Lizzie side-eyed Jed, still glowering. "Them. They're just so…ick. That is not love. That is every rom-com, come to life in order to make us buy chocolates and flowers and look forward to some idiot on a white horse coming to sweep us off our feet before we realize we can get work and buy all that crap ourselves. Hello, retro Jenny from the Block." Now, she smiled.

"Oh." Jed nodded. "So no one asked you to the school dance, huh?"

Scoffing, Lizzie turned to glare up at Jed. "I do not want to go to some lame-ass dance filled with nauseating ballads performed by a group of guys who can barely grow proper body hair." Turning back around, she began to smile. "However, I would love to see someone show these idiots what their futures will look like."

"Is that a challenge?" Jed inquired.

Lizzie smirked at him. "Maybe."

Extending a hand, Jed took Lizzie's and they shook. "Looks like we've got a dance to go to, after all." Jed said with a glimmer in his eyes.

"Can't wait," Lizzie retorted, beaming.

Yes, this would be one night their friends would never forget.

~0~

"Jo, be careful with the curling iron!" Lizzie complained, frowning at Jo whose eyes grew wide and she hurriedly removed the metal from Lizzie's hair before a bad smell could fill their room.

Sighing, Lizzie looked at her hair and then she stood up, smoothing her dress out. "How do I look?" she inquired, twirling.

"You look great. But you still haven't told me who your date is," Jo replied.

Grinning at her twin, Lizzie shook her head. "That's for me to know and for you to dot, dot, dot, sister." She poked the end of Jo's nose before moving to the door. "I will see you downstairs."

Leaving the room, Lizzie's smile dropped and she marched down the hallway and toward the staircase. She found Frodo hurrying up, looking flustered and jerking at the hem of his jacket.

"What's wrong, Landon? The little and tiny store managed to find a size not quite right? Worried that you won't be able to get Cinderella to the ball before her pumpkin swallows her whole "we're having one awkward Thanksgiving pie?" She gave Landon a huge smile and Landon just frowned back at her.

"I would have said: Gee, Lizzie, you look really pretty tonight, but then you had to speak," Landon retorted, still jerking at his jacket.

Swallowing, Lizzie raised her head. "Thank you for the compliment. I have a dance to run." She marched past him.

"I didn't think anyone was running the dance," Landon called after her.

Lizzie scoffed. "Then who do you think would have selected the theme and the best costume?"

"Theme? Costume?" Landon cried.

Lizzie chuckled. "Sucks to be you. Bye." She was smiling as she headed toward the dance. This would be much easier than she expected.

~0~

"Lizzie," Jed exhaled. "You look nice."

Lizzie nodded. "Thanks. You look pretty okay yourself. How are things going down here?" She surveyed the dance. There were far too many couples and it almost made it hard to spot the others until she caught sight of Nia and MG.

Jed shrugged. "We're in position. Shouldn't take too long before we're able to remove the Caped Crusader from the Medusa."

"Batman?" Lizzie frowned. "He's not really a Bruce Wayne." She watched MG. He really seemed to be having fun with his new girlfriend and it stung. Lizzie always thought that MG would care for her, until she finally gave him a chance but he seemed to be falling hard for this rando. The thought made her feel annoyed.

Eyes flicking over the assembled cast of dancers, Lizzie spotted her sister arriving and just like clock-work Penelope Park swooped in. Now, Lizzie might not be able to hear what they were saying but Jo's blush kind of gave it all away. Ugh!

"Oh, my God! Look at that!" one of the thirteen-year-olds cried, giggling.

Head lifting, Lizzie caught sight of Landon and Hope coming down the stairs. "Oh, no!" she cried, slapping her hand to her mouth and let out a loud giggle. Somehow Landon must have taken her seriously. Hope and Landon came down the stairs in what looked outfits from the latest play to hit the Salvatore School's stage: _Cats_.

"Meow," Jed said. "Hey, Kirby, nice legs."

Landon looked like he would die as he hid behind Hope.

Rafael spit punch up on some girl he'd been dancing with. That made for bonus points.

Looking at Jed, Lizzie nodded. "Right. Let's go see if you can pry the Green Lantern from whoever his Girl Friday is, shall we?" She marched over to MG. "MG, so sorry to interrupt," Lizzie said, offering Nia a big, fake smile. "We need to borrow our friend for a quick convo."

"Oh?" MG looked at Nia and then at Lizzie. "It can't wait?"

"Super hero stuff," Lizzie whispered, cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Oh?" MG still looked uncertain.

Jed took hold of MG. "Sorry. Dancing can wait."

"Can't she come with?" MG asked them, hooking a thumb at Nia. "She's pretty good with, you know, freezing bad guys."

"And if we need some charming lawn ornaments, we'd ask her to come, too. Sorry," Lizzie said, taking hold of MG's arm and dragging him toward the doors.

They walked across the school and down to the basement. "MG, I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but I think Nia might be evil," Lizzie said.

"What?" MG stopped in mid-step and his eyes narrowed. "No! No way! I mean…" He licked his lips. "She can't be. Can she?"

"She did this." Lizzie led the way to the new statue.

"Kaleb?" MG's eyes rounded at the sight of a statue that looked a whole lot like Kaleb. Lizzie hoped poor Kaleb would not be returning from his little night trip anytime soon. However Jed had made sure Kaleb left the school and convinced their local art fiends to make this Kaleb replica: she hated to dwell on.

"Oh, man!" MG looked heart-broken and Lizzie felt a pinch of sadness for her friend. Maybe they were being too mean. However, she just could not get behind MG with some girl who might turn him into the next work for her mother to display to school donors. Plus, it would mean MG would return to worshipping Lizzie, an added bonus.

"Sorry," Jed said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "We're going to give you some time to think about what to do next." He jerked his head toward the door.

Together, Lizzie and Jed went back to the dance to work on couple number three. The longest-lasting relationship of the three. The hardest that Lizzie saw being able to drive a wedge between. This would take every tactic from the anti-rom-com handbook.

They could not convince Jo that Pen only wanted to set her up in a fancy apartment, _Pretty_ _Woman_-style. Or plot convince Jo that Pen was dating her based on a bet formulated from _She's_ _All_ _That_ and too many other films. Pen was not pretending to be a student who had never been kissed.

"Ugh. Nothing. I am drawing nothing from my millions of rom-coms," Lizzie complained to Jed. "We can't kill Pen and make this into no weddings and a funeral."

Jed looked thoughtful. "You remember when we were forced to read Shakespeare's _Much_ _Ado_ _About_ _Nothing_?"

"You mean the movie by famed director Joss Whedon, creator of _Buffy_, _the_ _Vampire_ _Slayer_?" Lizzie's attention was temporarily diverted by remembering David Boreanaz's abs, before he got so old…

"Yeah. That." Jed rolled his eyes. "Well, toward the end, their friends were trying to get Beatrice and Benedict together by saying a load of crap about them, within their hearing range about how in love they were with each other. We could do the opposite and make them think they hate each other."

Lizzie grinned. "Jed, you're a genius. I'll take Pen. You take Jo."

"Right," Jed moved across the room, where Jo was pouring a glass of punch.

Lizzie moved closer to where Pen was trying to help Landon after his fashion induced trauma. Moving toward a group of girls who admired her, Lizzie flipped her hair and said, loudly. "Jo came home the other night with this huge hickey…" She paused. "And it turns out that she might still be into Hope. I know! She should be moving onto greener pastures since our little Super Heroine is into a nobody, and we all know that Penelope is just filling the Hope-sized hole in my poor twin's heart." Lizzie patted her chest with a mock-sad look.

Glancing over, Lizzie caught sight of Pen crushing a cup and marching over to Jo. The next thing anyone knows, they're yelling at each other and then Jo is running away from the dance. Penelope squares her shoulders and marches out of the room, too.

Lizzie makes a quick exit and goes up to find Jo. "What happened, Jo? You seemed so happy."

"Jed said… He said that Pen wishes she were still at the all-witch school. She thinks all I want is sex and to siphon her! I never siphon her! Except when she…" Jo blew out a breath. "And she accused me of cheating with Raf! Why would I do that?"

"No idea," Lizzie replied, sitting down on Jo's bed and watching her sister. "I'm so sorry. Can I do anything?" She was hoping for a cuddle.

"No. I just want to be alone." Jo laid down on her side.

"Okay." Lizzie stood up and smoothed her skirt.

~0~

Returning to the dance, Lizzie found that Hope and Landon were actually dancing and seemed to be having a good time.

MG and Nia were talking and both looked freaked out, but MG was holding Nia's hands in his.

Sighing, Lizzie turned and found Penelope right behind her. "You're evil, Lizzie!" Penelope snarled. "And one day you're going to fall in love and I'm going to make you pay for tonight. Now, I'm going to go make up with Jo. You can sleep in the library. Or on the roof."

Lizzie gaped at Penelope's back. With a pout, she found Jed had come to join her. "Well, that did not work out…" He said.

"But it was fun while it lasted," Lizzie replied. "Want to raid the fridge?"

They went in the kitchen and made sundaes and popcorn. "To not falling in love," Lizzie said, holding up a drink that was one-part strawberries and one-part champagne someone had left lying around.

"Never," Jed replied, clinking his glass with hers. "Friends?"

"Sure," Lizzie eyed him over her glass. "If I'm ever dumb enough to fall into the rom-com hole you'll dig me out, right?"

"Always," Jed said, scooping up ice cream. "What are friends for?"

"Right." Lizzie nodded, feeling content. At least she knew she had one person to rely on.

Jed's brows rose as a girl came into the room.

"Sorry. Wrong room," she said with a giggle and then left them alone.

"Who's that?" Jed said.

"Oh, no!" Lizzie scooped up some ice cream and tossed it at the back of his head.

"Oh!" Jed cried and then laughed. He threw popcorn at Lizzie.

"No freakin' love!" Lizzie shouted, throwing more ice cream. She felt happier than she had with any of her crushes that always seemed to turn sour than she remembered feeling in years. Friendship above romance any day. From now on.

~0~

**Two Days Later: **

"This is Sebastian," the teacher announced.

Lizzie bit the end of her pen, hard, until someone threw a wad of paper at her head. "No romance!" it stated. She caught Jed's eye. Well, maybe she could try, just one little rom-com; what could it hurt…

_**The End**_

**Thank you for reading, faving, following and reviewing. **

**Peace,**

**-J**


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